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Иосиф Фaннин's Journal
Thursday, February 2, 10:11pm

Being called upon to explain Groundhog Day to a whole brace of coworkers (all immigrants) really puts into perspective what a strange custom it is. Further, it seems it was pretty unknown outside this region of the U.S. until Bill Murray starred in a movie popularizing it. Now all we need is a movie that makes Johnny Appleseed funny (and hopefully makes something of what a weird fucker he was).

Happy Birthday to Scott, who was Scotty before Scott Weiland became my Scotty and then kicked the bucket. I really think I will soon get around to setting up a VM I can use to create an account on Facebook whilst keeping my personal information at arm’s length from that monstrosity. Then I could send him birthday wishes via a forum where he’ll see them.

Now I’m off to watch Groundhog Day, which somehow I’ve never seen.

Tuesday, March 29, 11:22pm -- The waiting drove me mad; you're finally here and I'm a mess.

I’m trying to understand the rules of the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame. ‘Cause I feel like that’s the recompense you get to have, ten years after they start playing the songs you love on the classic rock station.

So, one clear rule is that you aren’t eligible to be inducted into the RRHOF until 25 years after your first album drops. So it was entirely expected that Nirvana would get inducted exactly 25 years after releasing Bleach. Tragedy tends to fixate people’s minds. “Oh captain, my captain.”

Well, Pearl Jam’s “Ten” came out in 1991. That was 25 years ago, folks. And, apparently, 4-6 bands have already been inducted for 2016. How does that even work? When did the inductions start?

Okay, I guess 2016 is more than 1/3 over. And sure, it’s not like Pearl Jam can’t be inducted in future years. Rush didn’t get recognised until Geddy Lee was eligible to join AARP (or not, ’cause Canadian).

But, seriously, WTF? I hate to appeal to mass sentiment, but there’s a reason why PJ’s second album broke records.

Then again, whenever I try to make a Pearl Jam station on Pandora, it insists on playing “Daughter”, right out of the gate. Every. Fucking. Time.

Is that really what people think about Pearl Jam? That it’s whiny college rock about how mom and dad didn’t love you? I mean I get Jeremy, and how Daughter was the natural follow-up to that in the eyes of record execs. I’m sure that’s exactly *why* PJ didn’t make music videos again, and why Eddie Vedder (EV) insisted on going on a crusade against the commercialization of live music (Ticketmaster).

I mean, people throw shit sometimes about how the Hall Of Fame is controlled by an elite group. I, for one, want to welcome these fuckers. It’s how you keep mama Kardashian’s remixed sex-tape moans from getting voted a national treasure by mascara-wearing boys and girls in middle school.

The RRHOF inducted NWA, FFS! (TLA, LOL).

But no love for PJ? No love for Eddie? He’s flawed, no question. So are we all.

I want to believe in the RRHOF. But if they’re putting Eazy’s line “Don’t quote me boy ‘cause I ain’t said shit“ before PJ’s ”Vitology“ or ”Binaural“, they have entirely missed the thread.

If you don’t have soul, you’ve got nothing. And Eddie, despite a few easy singles, is full of soul. If the powers that be can’t see that or won’t acknowledge it for whatever reason, I’m done.

It’s a safe decision, I’m sure. That’s fine. I know where my loyalties lie.

Monday, December 22, 12:30am -- The wolf that chases the blue rooster

Wile E. Coyote has many good traits. He’s very intelligent, he knows what he wants, and he’s not afraid to go after it.

Often, his plans fail. Sometimes this is because the Road Runner tricks him. Sometimes it’s because Wile E’s plans are inherently flawed.

More often than not, ol Wile E. gives up too soon. Whether outsmarted by that crafty bird or by himself, he goes running off the end of a cliff -- and he just keeps going. To paraphrase: It’s only when he looks around, and he understands where he is and what is happening to him, does he fall and smash into the ground.

Self-awareness can be a terrible thing.

If I ever doubted that depression is a thing with me, that I found a definition of “faith” in Michael Chabon’s “The Yiddish Policemen’s Union” that finally got through my thick skull confirms it. The author set out to write a story in a particular mindset -- that’s what Michael Chabon *does* -- and I found him speaking a language I could understand.

Motherfucker’d be fine, if he just didn’t look down. That’s what faith is -- the ability to walk on air, confident that everything will turn out okay, provided you have the courage not to look down.

And if the ending of the book seems a bit glib, a bit too easy -- well, I find it oddly reassuring that the author doesn’t really understand it either.

Someday, when I grow up, I think I’d like to have a framed posted of Wile E. running with a fork in each hand, his tongue trailing behind him like a flag. I’ll put it up over my desk right next to “Powerhouse Mechanic”.

Wednesday, November 20, 5:14pm -- It seems to compile
I’m running Debian stable on my Dreamplug, my desktop, and my laptop. On purpose.

Do I need to grow a beard to be considered for Linux old-fartship, or is that only for kernel hackers? I’ve never been one of those, though I wonder sometimes if I gave the impression that I was pretending to be. I can’t grow a beard either.

I’m also running Cinnamon on the laptop and desktop, from the Linux Mint Debian Edition repositories. I hope the packages of Cinnamon in Debian sid turn out to be decent. GNOME 3 seems to be focused on the goal of turning my quad-core umpteen-gig Unix workstation into a cell phone, albeit one that cannot make phone calls.

In my tradition of never appreciating music that is less than three years old, I’ve recently gotten into The White Stripes. I’m into the blues, and don’t understand people who aren’t. I’m constantly surprised by people who think the blues are about being blue, who don’t understand that, for example, punk is very closely related to the blues (turn it the fuck up, ride the distortion, sing and/or scream your heart out, fuck all the haters).

I say we kill everyone who doesn’t like good music.

Sunday, March 31, 3:53pm

There's a lady who forwards me e-mail all the time. I don't know who she is, but from the context I'm guessing she's 75yrs-old, give a take a decade, and lives in or about central Kentucky.

I've sent her more than one mail telling her my e-mail address doesn't belong to whoever she thinks it does, but she never replies, and the mails just keep on coming. I'm guessing she forwards things to everyone in her address book, and doesn't know how to delete or change entries in there.

I really wish she'd stop it. My life is not improved by her malice in the mail, whether she authored it or merely passed it on, blindly or not (I'm not sure which would be worse).

Perhaps an example of the flavor is called for:

> > > The American Dream ended (on November 6th) in Ohio . The second term
> > > of Barack Obama will be the final nail in the coffin for the legacy of
> > > the white Christian males who discovered, explored, pioneered, settled
> > > and developed the greatest Republic in the history of mankind.

> > > A coalition of Blacks, Latinos, Feminists, Gays, Government Workers,
> > > Union Members, Environmental Extremists, the Media, Hollywood ,
> > > uninformed young people, the "forever needy," the chronically
> > > unemployed, illegal aliens and other "fellow travelers" have ended
> > > Norman Rockwell's America.

> > > The Cocker Spaniel is off the front porch.  The Pit Bull is in the
> > > back yard.

> > > The American Constitution has been replaced with Saul Alinsky's "Rules
> > > for Radicals" and Chicago shyster, David Axelrod, along with
> > > international Socialist George Soros will be pulling the strings on
> > > their beige puppet to bring us Act 2 of the New World Order.

> > > Our side ran two candidates who couldn't even win their own home
> > > states, and the circus fattster Chris Christie helped Obama over the
> > > top with a glowing "post Sandy " tribute that elevated the
> > > "Commander-in-Chief" to Mother Teresa status.

> > > People like me are completely politically irrelevant, and I will never
> > > again comment on or concern myself with the aforementioned coalition
> > > which has surrendered our culture, our heritage and our traditions
> > > without a shot being fired.

> > > You will never again out vote these people. It will take individual
> > > acts of defiance and massive displays of civil disobedience to get
> > > back the rights we have allowed them to take away. It will take
> > > Zealots, not moderates – not reach-across-the-aisle RINOs to right
> > > this ship and restore our beloved country to its former status.

> > > Those who come after us will have to risk their lives, their fortunes
> > > and their sacred honor to bring back the Republic that this generation
> > > has timidly frittered away due to "white guilt" and political
> > > correctness.  I'm done.

Whatever your politics, that's hate mail, and however you couch it, I find it very difficult to stomach the idea that that passes as acceptable communication.

My thought, that I just had to say, and prompted this post: I wish it were practical to run my own MX still. Then maybe I could add rules to bounce e-mail from certain e-mail addresses with a custom message for each:

From: <>
Subject: Undeliverable mail

Your mail to <> could not be delivered.  I'm sorry it didn't
work out.  The following messages may point to the source of the problem:


See? That's the promise of living better through technology.

Saturday, August 4, 8:53pm
I'm sure I'm behind the times, but for me loving a song or album not five years past is almost progress or something. I'm sure being sold paper products by talking dancing CGI mops can't be good for me.

I'm here to tell you, as a child of the nineties, that Foo Fighters' "Wasted Wasting Light" (not a Freudian slip, I swear) album is the most awesome rock music made since Pearl Jam's "Ten". Don't let the pomp and circumstance chase you away if you're holding out.

Saturday, July 14, 3:00pm -- Because I feel like writing

I took Latin in High School. The school district had only a single Latin teacher, who had to commute between the schools daily to teach all his classes. He was an eccentric man, and many other students didn't like him; "he doesn't know how to teach", they always said. He taught me more than any other teacher I ever had. I even learned a little Latin.

The real subject of his classes was how to think for yourself and teach yourself, "how to be a life-long learner", in his words. To high school students used to being spoon-fed their lessons and trained to focus on their relationship with their teachers and negotiate their grades, he must have seemed insane.

He didn't even keep a grade book; he expected you to keep all your tests and homework after he graded them, then on the final day of the grading quarter, you were to calculate your grade and bring it to him at his desk, where he would check your math and spot-check your graded papers for honesty. His spot-checks were, erm, spotty, perhaps because teachers are graded on their student's grades. I won't rant about grade-inflation and regulatory capture just now.

Lemme bring a concrete example. He once took an entire 40-minute class period to talk about the Latin word Limen

Sidebar:It's a common misconception that English is a Romance language. English is a Germanic language with strong Romance influences through French (the language of William The Conqueror) and later, directly from Latin. This is where I get to pull out James Nicoll's quote: "The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary."

This is the reason why we have the duality of culinary words, like cow and beef, sheep and mutton, and chicken and poultry. The words for basic concepts like up and down and water and sky come from ancient German, as do the words for farm animals. The culinary words for the different meats come from French.

A better example might come from two Nazi-era words: "Unterseeboot" and "Untermensh". The first word is the German word that gets abbreviated as "U-boat" in English historiography. Imagine a German who speaks English as a second language pronouncing "Under sea boat" and the meaning of the first word becomes obvious. The root words for "under", "sea", and "boat" are basic words English shares in common with modern German.

"Untermensh" also shares root words with English, "under" + "man". But English tends to turn to its Romance side when discussing abstract concepts, so we use the Latin root words to translate "Untermensh": "sub" + "human".

Sidebar over, deep breath sigh. So, Limen. It has to do with the harvesting and rendering of grain, which I know nothing about. I do know the word "thresher", which is a thing that deals with "thresh". Once your have thresh, you put it in a building to keep it safe, and since you don't want that valuable stuff leaking out under the door, you install a stone beneath the door to close the gap and prevent a trail from being worn there that will expose the thresh to the outside. That stone is a "thresh-hold". That comes from ancient Germanic root words, and it has come to figuratively mean a boundry between one thing and another; by means of metaphor, the word "threshold" has come to represent the door and the doorway.

Limen is the word for "theshold" in Latin, and it's spawned many English words by the same metaphor. A "preliminary" event is something which happens before the threshold of whatever. The subliminal mind is that which underlies the threshold of consciousness.

It's metaphorical shit like this that makes language so hard for computers to translate, and also IMHO makes artificial intelligeligence all but impossible. Human brains are wired to make these leaps in non-logical ways; it's a survival instinct, maybe. Even seen a face in a pattern of leaves and branches or the bumps of a tree trunk at dusk, and had your adrenal glands dump a fuckton of nitro-whatever in your blood and make you go all fight-or-flight? It's a survival instinct; hidden faces are indicative of predators. That instinct to recognize faces in the brush is what gives us the tendency to ascribe faces to the grilles and headlights and bumpers of automobiles. Just try to convince a man's man to buy a Mazda, with it's goofy grin on the nose.

Maybe I should look up Mr. Weimer sometime.

Saturday, March 12, 10:02pm -- Denoument
I successfully resisted the call of the Guruplug, but once Globalscale announced the Dreamplug, it was all over. So it’s bought and paid for, and I’m waiting for news of shipment. I’ve been waiting a minute, but I guess that’s to be expected.

Part of it was the IPv4 address exhaustion, and then discovering the douchebaggery of the DD-WRT community. Among the low points of discussion were questions as to why anyone would possibly want to run Linux 2.6 on a WRT, and a premature ejaculation by an esteemed DD-WRT forum member about how IPv6 support would slow his connectivity to a crawl, due to everything being “optimized” for IPv4.

So, of course, about three days after I placed the order, I managed to drop my iTouch into a pan of pickle brine. The lack of a hard-off, “STFU” switch in the moments after I retrieved it hurt. At best it’s lost the backlight, and the battery is playing hooky ATM as well. I think it’s dead.

When I bought the thing, it was a luxury, but I’m finding it difficult to live w/o it. It will be replaced soon, even if it means eating potatoes for the next month. And to bring the thing back to the beginning, part of the reason I was swayed by the Dreamplug was the seeming ability to hook it up to the digital-in of my 5.1 home stereo and broadcast digital streams to it from the iPod.

Now I’m thinking about how to make the as-yet-speculative replacement last longer. Zenobia Mk. II didn’t even survive a year.

I am trying to resist the urge to name the new one “Snowball III”.

Thursday, January 6, 6:42pm
I’m tempted by the GuruPlug, but I probably shouldn’t be.

The idea is to replace my WRT54GL running DD-WRT with something with a small footprint capable of running a full Debian distro; the GuruPlug has wifi with Linux drivers capable of acting as an AP. Then I could offload things like an NTP server, DNS server, and a torrent client to it, and actually shut down my desktop when I’m not using it, especially if I can get Wake-On-LAN working for the desktop. I don’t care so much about the environmental aspect, but saving cash on my electric bill is important to me.

I’d also like to get IPSec working, so I can stop trying to balance “ease of access to the ‘Net for wireless devices“ with security; access to my internal net would require IPSec from the global Internet or from wireless, but I could allow even WEP clients to get to the Internet with the right password (I’d leave it open entirely, but I don’t want my new neighbors leeching Internet from me (oh, yeah, I’m moving RSN. I signed a lease and everything! *beams*)).

And yeah, I’ve grown kind of enamored in recent months of the idea of getting SAMBA 4 and Kerberos working, to effect cross-platform single-sign-on.

...and that’s where I start to come back to reality. One of my first endeavors when I first started toying with Linux was to set up NIS. It sucked because it was slow, but also, much worse, it created a single point of failure for every computer I had. If the NIS server was buggered up, nothing worked, and all the administrivia involved in keeping it working was more work that maintaining separate login stuff on a handful of computers. Simple is good.

So, in the same vein, why not just use an old PC for a router/gateway/firewall, as I have long done? How long will it take for the increased electric bills to overcome the cost of a GuruPlug, the JTAG box, and all the necessary accoutrements?

For that matter, how long will it take for the increased energy usage to trump the environmental cost of building that hardware? Even if the answer is ”half the life of the GuruPlug“, it’s worth considering, since when the GuruPlug dies I’ll have a hell of a time migrating all my work off that single point of Fail; especially as it’s unlikely I’ll be able to buy a replacement GuruPlug.

I can just throw 3 NICs into an old PC here, with the WRT54GL acting as a simple wireless bridge off one, and it wouldn’t cost me a dime. The only real argument against it (discounting my shiny new-tech hardon (cf. SAMBA 4, above)) is that I could get at the firmware of the GuruPlug without dragging a monitor out of the closet, or alternatively keeping an extra one on my desk. It’s a pretty weak argument for the one device on my network I’m designating to run 24/7.

But I want the shiny!

Thursday, May 6, 5:06am
My new hardware arrived today. It fucking screams. Wot's this, I can play full-screen flash video out of a browser window? Suddenly it's the 21st-century!

I'm still working off a live CD too -- can't wait to see the improvement with a proper block device.

I was worried the free Radeon drivers hadn't come along far enough to do what I want on the integrated video HW. They're fine under Ubuntu Lucid -- got compiz, got KMS with the nice kernel framebuffer, got enough 3D support to play Crack Attack. That's all I wanted.

This purchase was brought to you by AMD's decision to make free ATI drivers possible, and Intel's insistence on limiting integrated graphics to shitty chips. Are you listening?

I am going to be so tired at work tomorrow. I must find a way to sleep.

Saturday, May 1, 2:18pm

Ooh, an external journal. I need to think about that. It seems that Ted T'so has stated that the loss of an extx external journal due to disk failure is "mostly harmless". The journal would have to go on the same disk as /boot and swap, but I don't expect to be swapping much with 4GB of RAM, and by the time that changes, I hope to pick up another 8GB or so for $50.

It still leaves the question of whether an external journal on a single (mostly) dedicated HDD is better than striping an internal journal across multiple, newer and faster HDDs, even taking into account the seeks and internal journal will create. I'm thinking an external journal will be better, due to the need to rewrite at least an entire RAID stripe for each journal update? I don't expect calculating the parity will be a significant CPU load; I will have plenty to spare.

The most relevant info on the Web I have seen talks about HW RAID, partitioned, with the external journal on an SSD, in journal=data mode. My setup would have the external journal on the slowest disk in the system, rather than the fastest, so I'm not sure that's a good idea -- wouldn't journal=data limit my write performance to that of the disk the journal lives on? How's that going to interact with the I/O scheduler when using softRAID?

I think I going to have to benchmark to answer these questions. I've toyed with external extx journals before, but was never able to convert between internal and external journals, though the last article linked above claims to show how its done. I'm not keen to try it out for the first time on a filesystem that has the only copy of my /home on it, though -- and I can't get accurate benchmarks until I wipe the 160GB disk -- but I guess I can try the conversion process itself on a mockup in a VM or something.

I also STR that akpm stated once that journaled extx FSen pin down an amount of kernel memory equal to the size of their journal, which would leave me the choice between pinning down a large amount of RAM or concentrating most disk activity (and wear) onto a tiny bit of that 160GB disk. I'm probably wrong. Crap.

Anyway, since I'm pretty sure my new Deskstars don't use the new 4KB sectors, it seems I only need to make sure my partitions are aligned on a multiple of the RAID stripe width, and pass the stride=x param to mkfs.ext4 as I have always done. I still need to learn the ins and outs of logical and physical disk geometries to work out how to actually do that, I think? Do linux softRAID superblocks offset the beginning of the first stripe, and thus all that follow? Crap.

My research, so far, is creating more questions than answers. Once I get this all sorted out, I should write about it. Yeah, right.

Friday, April 30, 8:05pm

I ordered the parts to rebuild my main desktop (nineveh) from Newegg last night -- and when I say "rebuild" I mean "replace every part but one and reinstall". I'm only transferring one HDD to "new nineveh", but I'm also keeping my /home, which is what makes it nineveh. I'm excited. I ordered:

Due to finances, I'm going to have to wait a few weeks to buy the last bits:

Well, the exciting bit, to me at least, is what the new hardware will allow me to do. You have to understand, I've lived with nineveh, in it's current incarnation, for seven years now. Hardware has come and gone, and changes have been made, but the whole setup hasn't really changed. Now I'm making a fresh start, with a mind to eliminate all the annoyances of this configuration, 'cause I intend the core of this system to last another seven years. Really, it's the whole disk thing:

Nineveh's /home is currently spread across five partitions on a motley flock of five HDDs, no two alike; the partitions are concatenated together as an LVM volume with no redundancy. Some of those platters have no doubt spun more miles than the distance from the Earth to the Moon. Only one of the the disks doesn't have another partition on it dedicated to another task.

New nineveh will have / on RAID5, on three dedicated, identical 1TB disks. The only separate partition will be /boot (on a fourth disk), which has its downsides, but I want *all* my files to benefit from the throughput advantages of striping (for reads, at least) and there doesn't seem any good way to do that and separate /home from / without wasting money, or diskspace; or by partitioning the disks to create two RAID5 arrays on three disks -- which seems dumb.

I thought about creating the RAID array on the raw, unpartitioned disks, but I've decided to go GPT. This will probably cause me headaches down the road, but I'm too full of youthful new-hardware excitement to care.

When I first wrestled with GPT on my MacBook, I hate hate hated that there was no decent GPT equivalent to good old Linux fdisk. There is now, and I am certainly going to give that man at least ten dollars. There's even a GPT partition ID for Linux RAID now!

The single SATA drive currently in my possession will hold new nineveh's /boot and swap partitions. At first, I thought that drive would have to have MBR partitions for BIOS compatibility, but it seems GPT is compatible with legacy BIOSes as long as the bootloader is GPT-aware. I guess Ubuntu is shipping GRUB2 by default now, though, which supports GPT natively. So the "little" 160GB will have a single GPT "BIOS Boot Partition", followed by a /boot partition, and then a great big honkin' swap partition. Part of the reason for the big swap (besides putting it on a disk that won't be used for much else post-boot) is 'cause I want to be able to make /tmp a tmpfs filesystem so huge I'll never fill it.

But some research is in order:

Bugger. But it's what I want. Any help, pointer, or advice is appreciated.

My plan, ATM, is to boot "new nineveh" from an Ubuntu Live CD, with only the two new drives installed. I'll install the ubuntu gdisk package, put a single Linux RAID partition on each disk with GPT partition tables, then run mdadm to create a RAID5 array in degraded mode on the partitions, with the appropriate version of the RAID superblocks and whatever esoteric alignment options I deem appropriate. The same will go for mkfs.ext4.

Then I will transfer the current contents of "old nineveh"'s /home and / to "new nineveh"'s new array over ethernet, probably as uncompressed tarballs.

Here comes the dicey bit: now I need to remove the 160GB disk from "old nineveh" -- breaking the LVM volume nineveh's /home lives on fantastically -- install it in "new nineveh", then start the Ubuntu Lucid "alternate installer" (AKA debian-installer) in expert mode, somehow convincing it to install to the degraded RAID with its goofy superblocks on the esoteric GPT disks without blowing away the existing filesystem. I need to do this because I need to repartition and format the 160GB disk at the same time, and I don't have any spare disks to back my current /home up onto.

So, in addition to all that alignment crap, I need to come up with a plan to make this swap, with "checkpoints", wherein I determine that all is well as it can be before I go on the the next step in playing musical disks with my data. And when I say "musical disks" I mean it a bit more literally than usual, because I'm going to be one disk short when the music stops. If I do it wrong, I lose all my pr0n.

And I do this for fun.

Monday, April 12, 10:24pm

I'm posting this here because Facebook is fascist and thinks I talk too much. The question was:

C: Is anyone good at algebra? Try this on for size...8x+3y=-22 and x=31-6y let me know if this rings a bell.... I have to plot them i have to solve for both Y & X and graph them....
Me: *nods* to graph them, you have to solve for "y". To single out "y" in the first one, you subtract 3y from both sides, giving you 8x=-22+3y. Then you add -22 to both sides, so you have 8x+22=3y. Then divide the whole thing by three: y=(8x+22)/3. <-- (that might better be a fraction, like:
y=  ------------
). The second one is much the same: subtract -31 from both sides, to get x-31=-6y, then divide both sides by -6 to get y=(x-31)/-6 or:

Does any of this ring a bell? It always helps me to imagine the equals sign as the fulcrum in one of those scales like Lady Justice holds up: The scales will still balance as long as you add or subtract from one side the same thing you do to the other.

I'm not sure what you're being asked to do to graph the thing, but a graph usually means plugging various things in for "x" and plotting what it does to "y" until you have a graph. Hopefully you have a graphing calculator, and can just copy the thing; don't forget to note the scale.

I'm not trying to be whatever, but I have a wee bit of doubt that you need to solve for "x", partly because the second thing already is. If I'm wrong, the first one can be singled out for x by dividing both sides by 8, so you get x=(-22 + 3y)/8.

If you'd like, I'm happy to help out with Algebra for beer. Well, I'll even bring my own; you just have to let me drink it -- I can still do math in my cups.

Said offer is good to anyone in the CMH area who isn't a total cocksmoker. I can usually drive home too (there's a limit to how much you can drink and math), but failing that I reserve the right to pass out on your living room floor. Ain't nothin in this world for free. Me? I work for beer.

Corrections and/or comments to the effect that I fail at math are most welcome.

Wednesday, April 7, 8:34pm -- Thanks for playing!
So a deaf-mute man and woman get together, and they want to have sex. The problem is that condoms are behind the counter, and dude doesn't know how to ask a hearing person for them.

"No problem", says the woman. "Just put $5 down on the counter, then pull out your penis, and put it down on the counter. They'll get it".

So dude goes into the store, slaps $5 down, and lays his wang on the counter.

Behind the counter, other dude pulls his out and lays it on the counter. It's bigger. He takes the $5.


I am a man and I think this is funny.
I am a woman and I think this is funny.
I am a man and I don't get it and/or do not care for this joke.
I am a woman, and I do not get it and/or do not care for this joke.

Friday, March 26, 11:50pm -- Wherein I embarrass my sister
So there I was, sitting at a table at the rehearsal dinner for little sister's wedding. I'd had a few glasses of beer, or wine, I don't really remember. My teetotaler aunt told me to "eat drink and be merry" after I got a little cross and defensive about it.

Suddenly, little sister hits me upside the back of the head. "C'mon, Joe, we're going." Old instincts kick in, like when I used to run with Chad; the deal there was that if either one of us said something was up, the other was game. Count me in.

So there we are now in the parking lot, and little sister has managed to lift like a gallon of wine. I'm not sure you can have a gallon of wine that's not vinegar. That's not part of the code, though. "Been caught stealing" rules apply -- she walked right through the door with it; it was hers.

Hubby T-minus-one shows up. He told her she needed to give the bottle back. I don't remember what little sister said, but I'd like to think it was akin to "Does Marcellus Wallice look like a bitch?" In fact, I'm pretty sure it was.

I used to wonder if that was the Fannin or the Krull in us, but I'm pretty sure now it was the Krull side. I do believe if she wasn't about to marry the bloke she might have hit him over the head with the bottle.

I think maybe the reason this sticks in my mind is that for a moment I was Ashley's Chad. -ish. If you need to go to UP-Michigan in a Chevette riding on a donut in a blizzard... I'm your huckleberry, Little Sister. I'm an excellent driver.

Saturday, March 6, 9:48pm -- Electrical geeks?
This is a partially/potentially hypothetical question.

Say I have a circuit with two speakers on it, wired in series. The impedance of each speaker is rated at four ohms.

Does this make the total impedance of the circuit eight ohms?

Saturday, February 20, 8:43pm -- Writer's Block: Money to burn
If you were given two weeks off with an unlimited supply of money that was only good for those two weeks (anything you purchased, invested, or saved would disappear when the two weeks were up), what would you do?

Coke. Hookers' tits. Need I say more?

Also: I'd buy Missouri. It'd be worth it just to make it disappear in two weeks.

Wednesday, February 10, 12:24pm -- Excuse me Mr. Pink

Tuesday, February 2, 11:07pm
"her" elided, so it looks like a soliloquy:

jhf: I work with a lot of Ethiopians. You may have read. Their culture is a lot more... confrontational than ours.
jhf: Perhaps our society is anti-confrontational. Watching people squirm on the employee shuttle lends credence to this.
jhf: I'm looking out the window, but fuck there better not be anyone in my field of view or they'll shit their pants! I might be looking at them!
jhf: But wow, they have no problem telling you straight up what to do, and if you do it, somehow you lose. It's all about power with them.
jhf: It's like: you go into a Chinese restaurant, and they serve you something wrong. If you complain, the manager is going to rear his head and scream at the cook, and you are going to feel like an ass for putting the poor schmuck out?
jhf: Chinese culture doesn't work that way. If you are not happy, heads will roll.
jhf: Even if when you turn your back, manager slaps dude on the back and says "what an asshole"
jhf: If you tell an Ethiopian "hey, you're doing it wrong, it like this, it'seasier this way" or ask them for something, they get bitchy quick. They think nothing about being bitchy.
jhf: You are expected to thwap everyone with your dick, or STFU.
jhf: I suppose there is a dynamic there, but 30 years of upbringing here have left me totally unprepared to understand it.

Friday, January 29, 10:14pm
howlin_wolf_66 tangentially reminded me that it's been a while since I offered a "Friends" amnesty.

If you'd like to drop me, now is the time; no questions asked, no hard feelings. Sometimes it just doesn't work out.

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